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How many failures does it take you to give up?

I’ve failed at starting my own business probably 50 times by now.

I get excited, I run toward my future and then I smash my face against a glass wall.

I’ve got my limits and they are plentiful.

I’m not type-A. I’m type B or C. Is there a type-D? I get stuck in think-about-it holes and massive self doubt.

And for some crazy, perhaps even misguided reason, I keep getting back up and trying again.

It’s easy to talk yourself out of dreams and things that will make your life better because you’re “not good enough” or not as good enough as that other person.

And none of those excuses matter.

One of the things I have the MOST pride in myself about is my insane need to keep trying after failing.

Just looking at simple things in my life – email management – I started getting into “Inbox Zero” at work a few years ago. That’s where keep your inbox completely empty.

When I first cleared it out, it was a HUGE relief. I was so proud and so energized by only seeing the things that mattered.

And then a few days later I had a few hundred unread emails.

A few months later I hit 3k.

I can blame the digital age and the amount of emails I receive. I can convince myself that Inbox Zero is a stupid idea and impossible.

And I do all of that.

But that doesn’t make it true. It doesn’t make it an unworthy pursuit.

If it makes your life better, chase it. If it makes you feel better, try it again and again until it’s a permanent fixture in your life!

Don’t give up. Don’t let yourself think anything is impossible just because you failed once or twice or even fifty times.

Practice makes perfect. And failure is the ultimate sign that you’re practicing.

Time to engage your invincibility cloak

There’s a sort of misunderstanding to the word “invincible”. Please note, I didn’t say “Invisible” – that’s the opposite of what I want for you.

“Invincible” almost implies superhero status or tough guy attitude. And I don’t think many of us would feel that we fall into that persona.

But I think of it more like this: “Learn to exist in the world with an invincible heart.“

Did you suffer heartbreak? You get over it and love again.

Did you stand up for something you believe in and get shot down? You get over it and do it again next time.

And each time you get stronger and recover more quickly.

Until the things that try to hit you in the heart don’t hurt. All you have left is a powerful love that you put into the world and the ability to create amazing works of art that create a better world. The strength of that love makes the things that take aim at your heart puny and incapable of penetrating it.

Please don’t think I’m saying “man up” or “grow some balls” or any of that macho BS. I’m saying it’s ok to hurt, it’s ok to be vulnerable and feel pain.

And don’t mistake being invincible for being hard or being cold or being incapable of feeling heartbreak.

The bravest thing you can do is allow your heart to feel, despite all of the pain you’ve experienced in this life.

The bravest thing is to allow yourself to love people so much that you actually experience heartbreak.

It hurts.

And I’ve been on both sides. I’ve completely shut down and stopped feeling. I didn’t cry for YEARS. And I’ve opened myself back up and allowed myself to feel hurt and joy and all of the feelings.

And shit, I’ll take feeling.

After thawing from a frozen old man at age 30 to a warm-hearted man at nearly 40, I see how beautiful the human experience is, purely because of the range of emotions we’re capable of feeling.

I see how easy it is to run away from feeling because of past hurt and I see how difficult it is to remain open.

My heart truly wants to be open. My brain wants to find ways to stop me from feeling pain.

I don’t blame myself for shutting down. I’m not surprised that people do.

But I think it’s up to all of us to create a better world and I believe the key to that is for all of us to feel our feelings and love each other, no matter how different we all seem.

In the end, if that’s how we all end up, then maybe we are superheroes afterall.

I love you.

As always, Stay Invincible (not “invisible”)

Who’s in charge of your future?

The future is such a beautifully fluid place full of possibility for anything to happen.

And yet, how many people actually own it?

We can harness our power and create whatever future we want. OR, we can let life happen to us and end up where we end up. There are behaviors that will move us in one direction and behaviors that will move us in a very different direction in life.

Oftentimes, we are in that default path of life, the default direction and will end up in a fairly predictable place. If we want to change where we end up and how our lives look, we have to change our behaviors.

But to change the course of our lives we actually have to know where we’re currently heading and where we want to head.

And there’s nothing wrong with having a default future, as long as you decide that’s what you want. “No effort, where I end up, I end up. That’s my decision.” Cool, go for it.

But for the rest of us, we want some say in what happens in our lives.

There’s nothing worse or more disempowering for me than letting life choose where you’re headed. It’s the ultimate in victim mentality. It’s like laying in a river and waiting to see where you end up. When you come to a fork in the river, you lay there, waiting to see what the river chooses for you. Go down a waterfall? “The river chose this! I blame the river! Damn you river! AHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhh!”

The alternative is deciding and taking responsibility for the direction you go.

True power over your life comes from making powerful decisions on the direction you want to take and then heading toward it.

Sometimes you make the wrong turn and you have to try to back track. But at least YOU were in charge. You took control over your life and situation and made a decision instead of letting life tell you when you’ll get a raise or get promoted or have time for the things you care about.

This is a life of strength where you speak up and work with the people, time, money and resources in your life to get what you need and what you want.

It’s pretty simple to make looking at a different path actionable.

I personally love easel pads. I go crazy thinking about what I want my life to look like and drawing out my ideas; which direction I want to be going, where I’m at today, etc. I’ve got tons of huge papers all over my walls while I’m doing this. It’s so much fun and I generate so much excitement for what I want to create.

Here are some starter questions to ask yourself:

Where are you?

Where do you need to be?

What are the milestones I need to hit in order to get to the future I decided.

What areas of my life do I want to change?

Take responsibility for all of it and don’t blame or judge. Love yourself for where you’re at and love yourself for deciding to change the direction.

As an INFP, it will be SO much fun for your imagination to take you anywhere in this world and be ok with not knowing how to get there.

Get out of your head. Do this. Play. Have fun. Daydream, baby!!!

What future do you want to create? What’s your default future if you do nothing? I want to know.

This is WHY you are awesome

INFPs are a special crew. We are a group of amazing, sensitive, spiritual and creative people who oftentimes feel like aliens.
 
As the owner of an INFP-centered website and an INFP Life Coach, I find my encounters with our type to be pretty spectacular. I love experiencing such depth whenever I talk to an INFP. I love hearing about their dreams, their art. 
 
And there’s something soothing about hearing the antithesis of that – the fear of trying to achieve those dreams. The disenchanted attempts at fitting in. There’s something comforting, maybe it’s my own greedy need to belong. 
 
Or maybe it’s because I’ve heard it so often and I know it’s not a permanent state. 
 
Regardless, I was thinking about something that would be useful to INFPs and I thought something simple would be great. And then I thought some simple reminders of why INFPs are so amazing in the first place might be in order. 
 
You are a Gift
This world wouldn’t be the same without you. I know it seems cliche. But think about it. Your family, your friends, you community. Everything would be different without you, and none of it for the better.
 
You contribute to the world just by being you. You may not be a loud and gregarious person, but people notice when your energy appears… and disappears. 
 
I have a friend who suffers from severe depression and talks about not wanting to exist. It breaks my heart. She is love, she is warmth, she is care. And she thinks she wouldn’t be missed.
 
Such a lie.
 
You are important.
 
You matter.
 
We need you on this Earth.
 
And we need you to contribute whatever special gifts you’re meant to contribute. 
 
You are Art
 
Every microsecond of your life so far is a beautifully constructed, random series of encounters between molecules. You have ups while others have downs. You have downs while others have ups. The ebs and flows of life weave together to form a breathtaking pattern at a bird’s eye view.
 
I was physically and emotionally abused and bullied as a child. It caused me to grow up with tweaked nerves and anxiety. I can feel so much. I can see things 360 degrees around me, because I’m always on the lookout for danger. 
 
And yet, it’s perfect. I see people dropping things, forgetting things every day and get to help them. I see people who are in pain or injured and I get to offer assistance. I once saw a woman who couldn’t breathe at a bus stop and was the only one who stopped to call 911. They arrived just as she lost consciousness and saved her life. 
 
I am a miracle created of the past to create a better future. And so are you.
 
Everything that has ever happened to you, good or bad was meant to happen. 
 
You are Magic
 
You are a satellite dish for the energy of the world. You can feel when someone who’s angry walks into the room. And you can feel when someone filled with joy walks in. 
 
You can influence other people just with your mood. People notice. They feel it.
 
When you were a baby, you were obsessed with learning to walk and talk. And slowly, you learned noises, followed by words. You learned to pick up your head, then crawl, then to get yourself up onto your two little feet and start taking your first steps. And you never gave up. 
 
There’s so much magic in who you are. So much magnificence in what has gotten you to where you are right now. Every moment has been a little miracle upon a little miracle. And here you are, taking on the world and creating a future for yourself.
 
Trust Yourself
Every answer you need is inside of you, buried beneath 20 tons of mental bullshit, conditioning and fear. What I love about coaching is the tenant that my clients know all of the answers. I also hate that about it, because it’s hard for me to hold back on advice and teaching. I’m an information addict and love to share my wisdom. But I also love to see the magic of intuition. 
 
You are a Magnificent, Angelic Force
Light yourself up motha fucka! If you’re dragging your body around and your heart is closed, your soul practically dead, something is wrong. Find out what lights you up and smoke it like crack. 
 
Be Love
“What the world needs now is love, sweet love.” -Jackie DeShannon
Oh. My. GOD. Does the world ever need love right now! And who better to give it than you! You are the chillest, sweetest, warmest person this world has ever seen. You are quirky and beautiful and you’ve experienced some shit. And yet, that love you give is perfect for the person next to you and the person next to them. And don’t forget for yourself.
 
We don’t need more self-obsessed, divisive and angry people running the world. We need love. We need heart. We need soul. We need you. Be love. Be change. Be creation. Be BIG. Be BOLD.
 
Spread your love everywhere, flower child.
 
Love Your Past
The day I saved a woman’s life because I saw her unable to breathe in the bus stop and called 911, I got on to my bus and started crying. Every single thing that happened up to that point made me who I was. Every piece of crappy childhood made me who I was. I was in the right place at the right time. I was perfectly late for my bus. I was perfectly late dropping off the kids. I was perfectly hyper aware of my surroundings. One minute later and things would have been worse off for that woman. And that was worth all of the weight of anything that happened to me. I was put here for a reason. I was able to forgive my past and love the things I had been through. 
 
You are perfect. 
 
The things you’ve been through are perfect.
 
Create a Support Structure
You are what you eat. And if you surround yourself with a bunch of dicks, then you must eat… well, you get it. No seriously, you are remarkable. And you don’t have to do everything on your own. I long tried to figure out how to get out of the emotional holes I’m prone to falling into. And it took me far too long to realize the fastest way out was to reach out to other people and get supported. Many of us aren’t comfortable with this. We think we need to fix everything on our own and we feel too alone to reach out. 
 
Enjoy Sensitivity
I’m an HSP (Highly Sensitive Person). Sometimes it sucks. Sometimes it hurts. In my coach training program, I broke down and started crying hysterically about how much I loved my teammates and how supported I felt for the first time in my life. I was overcome with dizziness, with emotion. I could feel my fingertips pulsing and the molecules in the air around me touching every cell of my skin. I could feel the energy of the Universe exploding from me. It was the most exquisite feeling. It was so real. So human. So perfect. 
 
Heal Your Heart
As we grow, we stack stones and barbwire on our hearts in an effort to grow and move. We “man up” and “put on our big girl pants.” We become hardened and stoic and rigid. And that’s the way we’re told we’re supposed to be. 
 
Trying to function when you’ve built on top of a broken heart isn’t just unrealistic, it’s irresponsible. 
 
Look, you are a supernova. You are connection. You are love. If you’ve cocooned your heart into a safe little compartment where it can’t be hurt anymore, you’re not allowing yourself to be fully expressed. Because if you can’t be hurt, you also can’t love. Or receive love. 
 
Open it up. 
 
Jumpstart Your Heart
Sometimes we get lost on our path. We forget who we are and what it feels like to actually feel. Sometimes we make big decisions and our hearts spark. We remember we’re alive and we know we’re on the right path. Keep it going. Spark the fire in your heart and keep it going. Know that you’re on the right path and know that you’re doing what you love. 
 
One thing I love about coaching is feeling people shift into their hearts. It’s probably the main reason I do what I do. I get empathetically high on feeling that shift and seeing people commit to what they actually care about in life vs the default paths they’ve taken. 
 
Invest in Yourself
You are worthy of knowledge, of growth, of love. There are many ways in which you can invest in yourself – you can spend the money you won’t let yourself spend on that course you won’t let yourself take, you can learn something you didn’t think you could learn, you could listen to your heart, you could invest your time in taking care of your health. But one way or another, honor your existence by actually investing in yourself. You matter. You deserve to grow, to exist, to thrive. 
 
You deserve everything you can dream up. 
Much love my friend!